Wednesday, June 2, 2010

"Do we always have to listen to this elevator music?"

"Do we always have to listen to this elevator music?"

The quote's from American Beauty, a genius of a movie about the pitfalls of suburbia. It refers to the music the mother, played ever so brilliantly by Annette Benning, insists on playing over dinner every night.

I've been asking myself this same question ever since I heard the quote. Except, my elevator music isn't elevator music at all. My elevator music is mind games, mind games specific to behavior around guys.

A while back, I had a conversation with someone I used to date. I'd liked him for a while before the actual dating started, and I thought I was more than obvious about it. According to him, though, he thought I hated him. This isn't the first time I've heard this. I've heard similar things from everyone from my friends to other guys I've liked. Even my junior year English teacher who, to this day, is my hero, told me that I was "always hard to read," and that she could never tell whether I liked the class or not.

I've never been your classic flirt. I hate feeling like I'm transparent like that unless I'm positive that a guy likes me back. I don't know whether it's a weakness or a strength, or what to think about it, exactly. All I know is that the elevator music has to stop eventually.

And that's all I got.

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