Thursday, June 12, 2014

Back from the USSR.

Well, it's been a hot second since I updated this thing. 

A lot has happened since I left for Russia almost two years ago. Like...a lot. 

ALL THE THINGS HAPPENED since I've been gone.

To welcome myself back into the world, I've decided to do a little bit of a cleans, if you will. Basically, I'm just going to write down every thought that's been in my head since returning from the motherland.

1. American chocolate, mayonnaise, McDonalds, and tea are all awful comapred to their Russian counterparts.

2. I was really looking forward to Great Gatsby. I got 20 minutes in and coudn't stomach it. I guess this is what it feels like to get too old for roller coasters. Also, Skyfall. Longest 45 minutes of a movie that I ever sat through before walking away.*
*I attempted to watch these movies withing the first 72 hours of my return home when my attention span was anywhere between 20-45 minutes.)

3. Everyone got married or had a baby while I was gone. It's like the government, for the short time I was gone, became a distopian society where everyone was forced into martial unions and procreate. Those who did not married were sent on "humanitarian aid" trips to Africa. You're not fooling anybody...

4. My mac broke while I was gone. I've been forced to use my sister's HP in its absence (which I am very grateful for). I didn't realize how much I'd grown accustomed to Macs. I still find myself in Mac mode every once in a while.

5. Student loans are the worst. They're the living worst.

6. Women started wanting the priesthood since I left. I won't touch the issue- I think there are more angles to it than most people are aware, and I think there are problems on both sides of the fence that need to be fixed, but we wont even come close to solving those problems the way we're going now. 

7. Kimye...there ya go.

8. My sweet tooth is dead. I used to bake constantly, but I've baked MAYBE three times since being home. Now I crave meat almost exclusively. Thanks, Russia.

9. My first thought getting off the plane after being in almost-strictly-white Russia was "WHEN DID WE GET ALL THESE INDIANS?!"

10. It took me a month to finally learn what Vines were. And Snapchat. And Tinder. And Flappy Bird.

11.Americans as a general rule really don't have good fashion sense. Russian women would never be caught dead in sweatpants outside of their apartment. I still feel guilty walking into Wal Mart with sweats on.

12. Bill Murray is getting older. I think it will be the saddest day when he dies.

13. I've been relating too much to Lena Dunham lately. #24yearoldproblems

14. Hashtags are the second worst.


17. I have no idea what kind of music I like nowadays. I don't know what happened. It's probably due to the lack fo access to my music library on the Mac,but something's up.

18. The urge to speak Russian is ridiculous, and I know it's annoying as h*** to everyone around me. I really, really miss hearing it all the time though.

19. I got an ear infection in the MTC and as a result now crack my jaw. I'm really self conscious about it.


Overall, coming home is one of the most jarring, unnerving, confusing, coolest times of my life. The mission does a really good job of stripping you of what you were before the mission and making you find a whole new self in the work. It's a great experience ON the mission, but it makes getting back into regular life a pretty big trial. I've never felt more lost in my entire life, on so many levels. The cool part, though, is that I know it's only a phase. This is prime suffering time, right?

I hope so.

16. My children will not know what the internet is until they're fifteen